My friends own percolators, my friends are sophisticated
The Apprentice was like a religion in our house, even though it's over-rated
Adam Buxton showed us all the youtubes he enjoys
Charlotte has need to hold on to all her childhood toys
People who live in little villages still get iPods and Apple Macs
I might have a small beer on a small Thursday, to relax
In May there was nothing to do, nothing but barbecue
I am reading proper books, or at least I'm starting to
At Charlotte's house we have to watch Desperate Housewives
At our house we watch what we're told to watch by Guardian Guides
The Apprentice was like a religion in our house, even though it's over-rated
We bought and we watched Twilight just to keep ourselves updated
Eternal Sunshine is not so new when you remember Total Recall
Riddles round the bonfire with stranger gastro-hippy people
I ordered risotto but what I meant was: ravioli
A Jarvis Cocker concert is just slightly rock and rolly
We need a British Simpsons because Homer is not ours
Sunday is for BNP Wives and then it's for guitars
You should always cheer the screen if you're perched on Henman Hill
And cheer the screen if your town's on it, like Bristol in Psychoville
On a Friday we make gnocchi because we are sophisticated
Washing up is part of cooking, so my mum has always stated
Greg moved in and there's always room, even though he's very tall
At Anova they've a ping-pong table in the entrance hall
Venus tells Serena that "the ball is in your court"
Petroleum spirit, highly inflammable: poem of the forecourt
Riding on a tube's like being the prize inside a cracker
To celebrate nothing at all we had lunch out, in Wahaca
I saw a pro-pirate lecture from "Mr. Twitter", Stephen Fry
I saw my housemates watch a film they'd bought called Eagle Eye
At Latitude we saw poets and I thought I could do what they did
My friends own percolators, my friends are sophisticated
The Apprentice was like a religion in our house, even though it's over-rated
